if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize
