so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
