That's when you crack a 10am beer
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
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