we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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