My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
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