I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
