Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
