I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
