Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
