she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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