haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
