Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
