i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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