The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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