My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
