If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
