i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
