Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
