Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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