# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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