Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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