My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
