bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
