mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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