I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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