apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
