So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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