first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
