The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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