i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
