no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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