What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
You are a booty call, not a friend.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Randomize
