Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
