just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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