my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
