Im at strip club and am horny
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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