I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
