I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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