Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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