well I can't set my house on fire every night
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
