My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
