it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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