I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
