We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Randomize
