You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
