me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
