i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
