I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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