whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
