the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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