We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
