The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
