He is such a slut. More and more my type.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
